For years now I’ve thought a lot about directors who are also DPs or editors or VFX artists. I’ve had a tiny bit of experience in all of these areas, just enough to know that I don’t want to become someone who works in any of them. I hate pulling that collaborative person – the DP, the editor, the VFX artist – away from my table, but foremost I’m just not personally drawn to improve my skills in these areas in terms of being someone who actually has their hands on the toys.

But.

I can see the advantage for people who are also one of these things. It makes you more marketable, perhaps, but most important, it allows you to pull something out of your budgets because you can do it yourself.

One could even include acting. I remember when Ed Burns said he cast himself in the beginning because that one was person he knew for sure would always be on set and never flake. So OK, what’s my additional expertise?

Well, for one thing, I’ve done quite a bit of casting work. In particular on the web series I worked on that’s stuck in post. I cast all but one role in that. I dream of the day I can use a casting director, but until then, I know I can do that work to great effect.

And one incredibly useful thing I know I can do that I haven’t been doing is web design. Which isn’t to say I have the skills now, but I have in the past in long obsolete programs, and I know I have an aptitude and an interest. And because I also have a strong interest in creating web content and am currently involved in a number of web projects – and need a new website myself – it certainly makes sense to me to go down this road.

I’m currently hoping to shoot my next web series in December and have a big kickstarter campaign in September, so I’ve got plenty of months till then to work on learning web design, and also I’m pulling together a huge master list of all of my contacts.

So, good work to do, which is always a good place to be. Summer projects!

Stay tuned.

So, I tried to do this website thing myself. And I tried blogging here about what I was doing every month. But the updates kinda bore me, and I’d rather just blog on my blog, you know? And, this space should be shinier.

That’s why I haven’t done updates the last couple months. Because this space needs to change. Which takes money. Not that much, but more than my un or under employed since 2009 ass can muster at the moment, so I wait. At least something in my life feels familiar.

Hey look! My reel on Facebook!

Hopefully I’ll have a whole new site soon.

It terms of writing & directing, I had a big brainstorm session with my friend and creative partner Julie Anne Wight to see if we could shake a screenplay out of one of my better ideas. We came up with some great ideas, but the strongest thing that happened is that I’ve come to terms with the fact that I really dislike doing original writing. Breaking the story made me want to break my head. So end of the day, Julie is going to give it a go for sole screenwriting credit. Rock on!

There was some networking. There’s always some networking.

Biggest news of the month: I have a new reel! My awesome editor, Randall Harmon Waldrop, did an amazing job on it, and I am over the moon about it. That said, I haven’t uploaded it anywhere yet. Giving that some thought, so for now I burned some DVDs I need to get out to some peeps.

Finally, I’m realizing that I really need to buckle back down on my (adaptation) screenwriting. I have a film short that I *really* want to complete a rewrite on by the end of the year, and I would like to finish my first draft of my novel adaptation as well.  Now that we’re into November and December, I’m not sure how much I’m going to be able to pull off – I’ve got some other, more director-y priorities with some other projects. It’s looking like my buckling down will come after Christmas and into the new year.

The time, she flies.

Early in the month I lost my job. And after a couple years now of on and off employment, plus the starting rate I’d been making, I was instantly in big trouble. I sold some stuff to pay my bills, and then rent was looming. I am in awe of people who can weather these sorts of things without going batshit crazy- much less stay creative and production. I was sheer misery, but I tried to hold my head up.

Then, a light broke through the clouds, and I was offered the same 6-month gig I had last year. Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully they got me in a touch earlier than last year and I ended the month by paying the rent with ease. Total rollercoaster.

In the middle of all this, I worked two days on the set of a zombie web series, Bite Me, as a lens tens. Like zombie contact lenses. It was great to be on set and help out a great group of peeps. The funniest thing to me about set is that the minute I’m on set I get hungry in 6-hour increments like clockwork. And in other ways, too, being on set is such a switch flip.

Other than that, I saw a play, four movies, and went to Blogger Prom, which was superfun. I had two different houseguests, did some networking stuff, and worked on getting back into the swing of my current gig, which ends in March.

Now attached but-not-on-paper-yet to two feature screenplays, both of which completely rock and are totally shootable. Thinking a lot about the short I want to shoot that needs a final-I-think rewrite. And a good friend is working on a feature screenplay from an idea of mine. SO excited about that, because I’ve finally accepted that I find original screenwriting total hell, and meanwhile she is awesome and has the perfect sense of humor for the project.

The minute I got the gig that ends in March I thought, I need to be going into pre-pro – paid pre-pro – on something I’m directing right after this gig ends. A tall order, perhaps, but I’m as close as I’ve ever been, and that’s something all by itself.

Yesterday I heard someone is interested in funding a feature I’m attached to direct. And I know all about the dangers of counting chickens in this business, but baby, I’m feeling it. I’ve got some creative prep work to do on that project, and I can not wait to dive in. Great script, great people – That’s the magic, baby. That’s the Kool-Aid.

Finally starting work on my new reel, too. Digging up the last necessary bits of footage and getting it to my editor is on the list for this weekend.

One of my favorite cohorts, Julie Anne Wight, is coming into town this month, and we’re going to beat out a comedic feature script that’s been brewing with me for a long time. It’s a great idea, but when I wrote the first 30 pages what I wrote wasn’t funny and really rather blew, so I put it down. Julie, however, IS funny, so I am really excited to get to work with her.

But August, August. My least favorite month of the year, btw. Long and hot and hard to get through. No wonder people who can go on vacation.

But, I did go to a TubeFilter networking event, which was cool and very interesting. After my long, dark months going to this event reminded me that it hasn’t been very long at all since I directed, and that I really have done a fair bit of work. Learning, always learning. It’s a good life.

What else… Had some meetings about the aforementioned feature. Reconnected with some of my actor friends and favorite industry people. Went and saw “Going the Distance,” which I loved.

Went to BlogHer and read in the community keynote. BlogHer and New York totally rocked. I loved it there. Saw some family, saw the World Trade Center site. Went to amazing sessions and hung out with amazing people. It was awesome.

Worked the new day job. Learning, learning…

And finally, I’ve got a major bug about finishing the short screenplay I’ve been working on. I put it down for quite a while there, but I really want to shoot it in 2011 because I just know in my heart it is going to rock and be a very cool shoot to boot.

September! I am so very glad you’re here.

I got a job.

I got selected to read in the BlogHer Community Keynote.

And so I spent most of the long, long month adjusting to commuting and working again, and gearing up for my trip to New York for BlogHer in August. (Two days from now as I type this!)

There was a pre-BlogHer meet-up, and there was a little development work on a possible feature project. There was blogging, but no screenwriting. I shot footage for the Life in a Day project, but in the end I’m about 99% positive that it never uploaded successfully. I spent a fair bit of time trying to develop a work flow between the Flip Ultra HD camera and Final Cut Express. That worked out well, clearly.

Right now my plan is to give myself August as one more month of transition. During this time I plan to keep working on a music video project and the whole Flip to Final Cut joy.

And then I’ll see if I can kick my screenwriting into gear in September/October/November/December and get my adaptation draft completed, as well the film short screenplay I’ve been working on. I should also have a new reel by the end of the year as well.

It’s been such a strange, painful blur of a year. But things seem to be focusing up just a little bit these days.

I fell down the rabbit hole in June 2010, and all I really managed to accomplish by June 30th was that I turned 39. Which, let’s face it, happened without much action on my part.

Basically, my unemployment misery finally enveloped me, hitting an all time low in the moment when it became clear I wasn’t getting an unemployment extension and I started preparing to sell my stuff to pay bills. Insert at least two moments of complete demoralization and fear. I was reading all this stuff from Congress, and in particular the BS from Republicans about unemployed people. Meanwhile, for the first time in my life I was getting interview after interview and not getting the jobs. I was fully grokking the complete horror show that is the job market right now. And trying like hell to stay positive and keep taking positive actions. In addition to job hunting, I was spending time with friends, gaming, hiking, watching films & television & soccer. Anything to feel OK for just a little while.

I’m a pro at the pick-yourself-up-and-dust-yourself off, but damn. This month was dark.

THEN, I found out that I didn’t actually need an extension, because my six-month gig meant I could apply for a whole new claim – Which was a massive relief, but somehow I still felt like total crap. Relieved crap, but still unemployed crap. I mean, I truly had no understanding that I was going to get more unemployment that way, and to this day, I’m not sure how I could have figured it out ahead of time. I was on a claim that ended, so I thought the next step was an extension. But it wasn’t, it was a new claim because I had done that 6-months of work. Which makes more sense than what I had thought, but still, I didn’t know it was going to happen, and I was freaking out.

So. In the end, I was OK, but all month all I could think about was this job stuff, and my last seven years in L.A, and every choice I’ve made, and every lay off, and how I just can’t seem to make any real progress in any direction. In particular, my finances are pretty much back to 2002 status, with the exception that I have better interest rates and slightly less debt, although not much less. And what never happens to me, happened. I couldn’t write. I could hardly pull myself together for interviews, although I did, again and again and again.

There is a light, however.

I accepted a new position on July 1st. And, in many ways it feels like starting over, for better or for worse. The position is temp to perm, and it’s clear that the rest of this year will be spent getting back on track. Getting my sea-legs back, if you will.

In terms of my writing and directing, my goal is to get back on a productive writing schedule through the end of the year. I need to get to a shootable draft of my film short, and I still aim to finish a solid draft of my adaptation so that I can move onto a new adaptation project in 2011. I’m also in development on a feature project with plenty of prep to be done. And I’m hoping to have a new reel cut this year. And I’m working on a little music video project that may or may not come together.

I am going to BlogHer in New York in August. Money is going to be tight, but I’m very grateful that I’m able to go.

So, onto July. It’s been tempting to declare 2010 a total wash. The worst year yet. But, even in my darkest moments, I’m aware that six bad months says nothing about the next six. So, I’m still moving forward and I’m hopeful that if I work really hard in these coming months, I can set up a 2011 that’s full of a lot more win. I’d like to shoot something, I’d like to have a job for the whole year, and I’m hoping to visit my friends in Orlando.

Finally, one crazy thing I did this past month is that I auditioned for a semi-reality TV show. I got my ex to shoot some new headshots, I made an acting resume, I went to a casting agency, and I wasn’t very good. But, the experience of auditioning in Los Angeles was pretty amazing, and while I’ve always been an actors’ director, having really been on the other side of an audition in L.A. was a pretty priceless experience that I am fortunate to have had.

So, 39 years old. Angelino till the end. 2nd half of 2010. Writer hat on.

Engage.

I finished a second draft of my newest film short screenplay in time for my writing group to review it and give me great notes and feedback. After that meeting, I did some background work on the characters and the concept, and my plan is to have a solid 3rd draft done by the end of June. And then I’m hoping to get one more round of notes on that draft incorporated before I send it to the story author for his review. I want to feel confident that it’s a solid, shootable screenplay before he reads it. I’ll also be passing it to a producer friend for an initial budget estimate at that point.

In terms of my feature work, I finished the 40-card beat out (Save the Cat! style) of my current adaptation project. I’m planning to spend the last six months of 2010 finishing up a solid draft so that I can start a new writing project in 2011. Probably another adaptation because I *really* enjoy the puzzle of adapting prose into screenplays. Particularly in terms of tone. I love capturing the tone of the source material.

Finally, I’m working on a feature screenplay with a writer/actress friend of mine. “Working on” in terms of reading drafts, giving notes, and constantly asking for page reductions.    I’m sitting on a new draft right now that I’ll read this week. It’s a project I would really love to direct so it’s exciting to see the screenplay evolve and to discuss and imagine the shooting possibilities. And we may get together to go through the script and try a bit of a tightening session, which I think could be really fun and productive.

Oh, and I’m working on an idea for a music video I want to shoot with my Flip camera. That’s just in the beginning thinking stages at the moment.

Other than that, I did a little bit of networking, a little socializing, and I watched a lot of films and television. I found out I didn’t get an interview for the HBO Fellowship. I found out it doesn’t hurt anymore like it used to. It’s just part of the flow these days.

I also had a little more fun in May than I have in a while, and I guess there’s something to be said for cutting loose a little bit. I certainly needed it, that’s for sure. The last couple weeks of May were very full and send me spinning into June.

Oh, and I’ve decided to do a new reel that includes my newest material. So I’ll be working on that soon, too!

So I sat myself down and I decided: If you’re going to go for this, it’s forever. This is your life. You have to decide if directing is the kind of priority you’re ready to pursue for years and years and years if that’s what it takes. No fooling yourself about “giving it two years” or “giving it five years.” No spending a year planning a wedding. No kids unless something massive has changed in your financial situation. (This last one has now evolved to: no kids.)

I’m a gambler in life, but I wasn’t ready to gamble that I’d make it in 5 years. Rather, I felt that I had to commit to the fact that it might be 10, 15, 25. I chose to accept that I might work really hard for decades and never make it.

The other pitfall I saw early on, was the evolving L.A. life. You meet a lot of people out here who came out to do one thing and eventually settled into another. Historically, this is why I resist advancement in my day job positions. If I had become a post production supervisor, for example, my work ethic would mean that that’s who I am. That job would exhaust me and eclipse my actual goal. Similar, I resisted craft jobs – also because they seemed more risky should the economy shift and because I was already unable to work for low/no pay when I arrived in L.A. If anything trumps directing for me, it’s survival out here on my own. Gotta eat. Gotta pay the rent. Really hoping to someday make another payment on my student loan.

Some craft jobs *are* legitimately potential paths to directing, but I’ve seen them be traps more often than the latter.

L.A. life is also full of many time-consuming awesome diversions. These must be managed. You’ve got to find a way to be happy and living a life, but still stay focused.

So, how does one stay active in the quest to become a director? Particularly if you’re claiming expenses on your business taxes, you’d better be doing something.

The Key Is: The Ongoing Prioritization. My biggest nemesis is the slow encroachment of normal life. This is what I remain vigilant against. It’s a big reason why I started blogging on this site once a month. To say outloud, every month, What did I do that was constructive?

My biggest fear is finding I’ve done nothing. My biggest fear is months slipping by. When I started blogging here it was a commitment that no month – not one – would slip by.

It’s incredibly challenging to stay focused while unemployed. Suddenly there’s all this time – But I HATE being unemployed. I HATE not earning an income. It was a huge difficulty for me in film school. Employment, income, is my engine, even as it makes my schedule challenging. Everything I do right now is done in the shadow of the specter of not being able to pay my rent in July. That’s terrifying to me. I want a new job, and I want it now!

But here I am. On this blog which exists to catalog what I have done, even while unemployed. So here goes for April 2010:

I’m writing. I’m on draft 2 of a film short adaptation that I am crazy in love with and have no idea how I’m going to pay for. I’m so inspired by this short, that I’m going to pull out another short script I put away years ago. Another adaptation.

Short film is why I’m here, actually. It was Jane Campion’s “Peel” that first inspired me to think that I could be a filmmaker. I’ve been diverted into the shiny of WebTV, but lately I feel this intense desire to direct a kick-ass film short. One that really pushes me visually and logistically.

How I’m going to pay for it, I have no idea, but for now I’m working on having some great screenplays. My adaptation is paused while I work on these, but I’ll be circling back to it soon. Gotta follow my muse, and my muse has film short fever.

I’ve also been meeting with a wonderful writer/actress about some projects she’s developing. I’m really inspired by her work, and she’s got a much more realistic (as in, no explosions, no stunts) pair of projects that I may have the opportunity to direct in the future. So that’s exciting. And if nothing else, creatively rewarding.

Oh, and I’m kinda secretly starting to think about a music video project. That one’s just in my head for now…

Other than that I’ve been studying films & television. Particularly more films than previously. I’m working my Netflix queue like a pro these days. Many brain gerbils on overdrive these days.

I’m still staying pulled back on my networking, and I’m still being really strict with my scheduling in terms of saying no to a lot of things. Although the unemployment allows me to loosen up a little, I’m going to get even more pulled back as soon as I get a job.

I’m really looking forward to it. Work and writing. Feels good.

I am so very inspired by the whole of Katherine Bigelow’s career. Huzzah! Huzzah! Really, what more is there than a hearty, heart-felt cheer to be had.  Huzzah!

Let’s see, what else in March… I finished up my gig in the Sony Awards office. I left them with a manual for the office that I was very proud of. Hopefully it will be very helpful for the next person there.

I threw an Oscar party for the first time ever, and much fun was had by all. My ex-boyfriend won the Oscar pool, lol. I did better than usual, but still voted my heart, so you see where that gets me.

I hung new movie posters in my place.

I saw Alice in Wonderland which I LOVED, and I got a Netflix streaming disk for my Wii, which HELLO, heaven has landed in my living room. I’m currently going through The 50 Most Influential Black Films: A Celebration of African-American Talent, Determination, and Creativity and Best Movies of the 70s. Slowly but surely anyway. And I set up a TV queue on Netflix. First up: Deep Space Nine.

I have been writing. And I have been reading. And a little networking.

And I have been job hunting.

I has been an all together very different March than usual, actually, and a pretty good one in the end.